Robinhood es una aplicación de negociación de acciones que existe para "democratizar las finanzas", pero también, en ocasiones, le prohibirá comprar acciones porque expertos democráticamente irresponsables las han declarado sobrevaloradas.
Este fue el mensaje desconcertante que Robinhood envió a sus lectores el jueves por la mañana, cuando la locura por las acciones más desconcertante en la memoria moderna empujó el precio de una acción de GameStop por encima de $ 440.
Al momento de escribir este artículo, el rally de GameStop parece estar desvaneciéndose . Pero las preguntas que el fenómeno ha planteado - sobre la ética de aplicaciones-stock de comercio gamified, las desigualdades entre los inversores grandes y pequeños, cómo se determinan en realidad precios de las acciones, y lo que el mercado de valores es para - parecen crecer más numerosos e irritantes por la hora.
Afortunadamente, Chris Arnade puede tener algunas respuestas. El ex comerciante de bonos pasó dos décadas en Wall Street antes de desilusionarse con la cultura de cinismo y codicia de su profesión. En los últimos años, ha invertido la mayor parte de su tiempo en fotografía y escritura, por lo general sobre la clase social y la pobreza en los EE. UU. Pero ha protegido estas actividades productivas con no poca cantidad de ocio al acecho en Reddit. Lo que hace que su cerebro sea más apto para picar.
Intelligencer habló con Arnade el jueves sobre cómo la prohibición de GameStop por parte de Robinhood destaca la fraudulencia del "mercado libre", por qué los toros de GameStop de Reddit serían aclamados como genios en Wall Street (si solo tuvieran las credenciales adecuadas), y qué "el goteo la corrupción de los ricos ”le está haciendo a la cultura estadounidense, entre otras cosas.
Usted escribió en Twitter el miércoles “La horda Reddit través de la acción colectiva está haciendo a los fondos de cobertura lo hacen los fondos de cobertura a los inversores normales todo el tiempo.” ¿Qué quieres decir con eso?
Los fondos de cobertura pueden operar de diferentes formas. Pero uno clásico es tomar una posición y luego "hablar bien". Entonces, vas a Davos, vas a cenar a conferencias de inversión y usas todo el conocimiento que obtienes de estas conversaciones con funcionarios gubernamentales y otros inversionistas para realizar un intercambio. Y ejecuta esa operación de una manera que le permite aprovechar al máximo su inversión mediante la explotación de productos financieros complejos y lo que llamamos "tecnicismos" en el mercado: la forma en que otras personas están posicionadas, las posiciones que tienen las personas. Luego ingresa a CNBC, envía boletines matutinos, envía mensajes directos a través de Bloomberg a sus amigos y vende a todos en su comercio.
Ese es un comportamiento aplaudido en Wall Street. Estás burlando a la sala y le estás diciendo a la gente que estás burlando a la sala. En muchos sentidos, eso es lo que sucedió en Reddit durante los últimos seis meses. Pero no lo hizo una sola empresa; lo hicieron 2,3 millones de autodenominados degenerados.
Y realmente hicieron ambas cosas: ¡tomaron una posición y hablaron su libro! De hecho, alguien hizo una presentación bastante buena sobre por qué se infravaloraba GameStop, una presentación que habría tenido bastante éxito en los círculos de los fondos de cobertura hace un tiempo. Y luego construyeron sobre eso y todos se apilaron. Lo hicieron de una manera muy inteligente para aprovechar el posicionamiento de Wall Street.
¿Es posible resumir brevemente lo que hizo que su oficio fuera inteligente (de una manera que un lector lego entendería)?
Lo hicieron a través de "opciones de compra". Que es cuando compra el derecho a comprar una acción a un precio fijo dentro de un período de tiempo específico. Digamos que GameStop cotizaba a 20 dólares la acción. Los Redditors comprarían una opción de compra que les da derecho a comprar una acción de GameStop por $ 50 en algún momento en el futuro cercano. Y puede comprarlo muy barato porque nadie cree que el precio de una acción de GameStop supere los 50 dólares. Los agentes de bolsa venderán las opciones de compra a un precio bajo porque creen que es un evento de baja probabilidad. Pero los Redditors saben que no es un evento de baja probabilidad porque van a hacer subir las acciones.
Ahora, los corredores de bolsa no quieren correr riesgos, al contrario de lo que mucha gente parece pensar. No quieren apostar a que las acciones de GameStop no superen los 50 dólares. Entonces, cuando venden las opciones de compra, cubren su riesgo. Y lo hacen comprando sus propias acciones de GameStop, por lo que obtienen algún beneficio si las acciones de alguna manera superan los $ 50. Pero parece un pequeño riesgo. Entonces, si vendieron una opción de compra por 100 acciones, solo comprarán cinco o diez.
Entonces los Redditors comienzan a subir el precio. De repente, los corredores de bolsa tienen que comprar más acciones de GameStop para cubrir su riesgo. Pero cuando hacen eso, el precio de las acciones sube aún más. Se convierte en lo que se llama una "compresión gamma". Y los Redditors también saben, como escribiste en tu artículo , que muchos jugadores importantes estaban acortando GameStop. Entonces sabían que podían hacer un pequeño apretón , lo que desencadenó compras adicionales en todo el espectro por parte de los fondos de cobertura que estaban cortos y luego de los banqueros que se quedaron atrapados en un apretón gamma y tuvieron que proteger sus coberturas. Así que se dirige a la luna.
Todo eso se considera un juego limpio en Wall Street. Esa inteligencia se ve recompensada. Es por eso que a la gente de los fondos de cobertura se les paga mucho.
¿Crees que los inversores de Reddit sabían lo que estaban haciendo?
Eso no me queda claro. Creo que acaban de darse cuenta de que podrían sacar mucho provecho de su inversión comprando opciones de compra. Y luego creo que algunos notaron: "Oye, a medida que subimos el precio, esto hará que tengan que comprar más y luego se convertirá en una profecía autocumplida". Sin embargo, sucedió, lo que la multitud de Reddit hizo colectivamente fue un intercambio inteligente. Es el tipo de cosa que le haría ganar la admiración de Wall Street.
Para jugar al defensor del diablo (es decir, de los fondos de cobertura): cuando los fondos de cobertura ejecutan ingeniosas hazañas de manipulación del mercado, los perdedores son generalmente otras personas ricas. Por el contrario, cuando los carismáticos carteles de Reddit (que entraron en el comercio de GameStop temprano) intentan la misma maniobra, lo hacen alentando a un grupo de inversores aficionados no adinerados a que se amontonen en un comercio que muchos probablemente no entienden. De modo que los perdedores están potencialmente menos protegidos contra las luchas financieras. Ese al menos parece ser el tipo de distinción que los WallStreetBets de CNBC quieren hacer. ¿Hay algo en ese argumento paternalista?
Creo que eso llega al meollo de la cuestión: o crees en el libre mercado o no. Para ser claro, no lo hago. No estoy sugiriendo que lo que hacen los fondos de cobertura sea legítimo y, por lo tanto, lo que hace Reddit sea legítimo. Estoy diciendo que tienes que aplicar tus estándares por igual. Personalmente, no estoy particularmente feliz de que Reddit esté copiando los fondos de cobertura. Ojalá los fondos de cobertura dejaran de hacer lo que están haciendo. Pero si es legal para los fondos de cobertura, puede comprender por qué las personas en Reddit se indignarían cuando las personas actuaran como si no fuera legal para ellos hacer lo mismo.
La ideología de Wall Street es el libertarismo. Es que las personas tienen albedrío y se les debe permitir ejercerlo. Es una cosmovisión no paternalista. Es "Todo el mundo sale por sí mismo, y la razón por la que ganamos dinero no es porque seamos más egoístas, sino porque somos más inteligentes". Si esa es tu actitud, está bien. Esa no es mi actitud. Creo que el espíritu de Wall Street - "Beneficios a toda costa, todo es un mercado, el mundo es un casino, solo quiero ganar dinero para poder comprar mis pepitas" - es realmente negativo. No me gusta que la actitud corrupta de los ricos se haya filtrado. Pero si los ricos van a poder jugar a este juego, ¿por qué te sorprende que los menos ricos empiecen a jugar?
Sospecho que sé tu respuesta, pero: ¿Estuvo mal que Robinhood prohibiera a sus usuarios comprar acciones de GameStop (aparentemente para evitar que su base de usuarios aficionados perdiera mucho dinero comprando cerca del pico de una burbuja)?
Si. Yo pienso que fue. Mira, no creo que todo esto vaya a terminar bien. Creo que cuando se aclare el polvo, probablemente verá que no hubo una transferencia neta de riqueza de Wall Street a los inversores minoristas, sino una transferencia de riqueza de Wall Street a Wall Street, de algunas empresas a otras empresas. Pero tienes dos opciones aquí en mi mente. El primero, que preferiría, es regular todo Wall Street, de modo que el engaño intelectual que está legitimado por la clase acreditada se reduzca un poco y los Redditors también se regulen. O puede desregular y dejar que la multitud de Reddit haga lo que está haciendo: admitir que es un jugador nuevo y tan legítimo como usted. Es la hipocresía lo que frustra.
¿Cuál es el costo de la hipocresía paternalista en su opinión? ¿Que sirve para deslegitimar el sistema y alimenta la reacción populista? ¿O se trata solo del principio?
En última instancia, es contraproducente porque todo lo que haga para tratar de detener a estas personas, solo los hará más cínicos y más convencidos de que el sistema está manipulado y, en consecuencia, más propensos a hacer cosas que son simplemente divertidas . Cosas que las élites consideran disruptivas. Cuando el sistema es tan descaradamente injusto, la gente se va a enojar cada vez más. Me enoja más y lo entendí bastante bien. No debería estar sentado aquí enojándome por esto, pero me están haciendo querer apoyar más a la multitud de Reddit. Deja de hacer esto. Sea justo, hombre.
Creo que lo que la "clase acreditada", en su frase, encuentra escandaloso sobre el comercio de los Redditors no es solo que las personas que lo hacen son extraños groseros, sino también que el "pequeño apretón" específico que están ejecutando es casi satírico: se burla de la noción de que el precio de las acciones de una empresa está determinado por sus "fundamentos", por estimaciones racionales de su potencial de ganancias basadas en sus ingresos netos y la salud de su industria. Las acciones de GameStop no se dispararon porque la venta minorista de videojuegos de ladrillo y mortero se convirtió en una mejor propuesta comercial. Se dispararon porque GameStop se convirtió en un "meme". Y una vez que demuestre que esto puede suceder, surge la posibilidad de que las meras narrativas y el pensamiento grupal estén impulsando las valoraciones en el mercado de valores, aunque de manera menos atroz.¿Crees que WallStreetBets está socavando la racionalidad de los mercados financieros, o haciendo más visible su irracionalidad, de la misma manera que una caricatura ilumina los defectos de un rostro humano?
Creo que lo dijiste perfectamente. Es una caricatura. Uno de los secretos sucios de invertir en Wall Street es que solo tienes que conseguir que la gente compre tu historia. La mayoría de los precios están en gran parte libres de "valor", en mi opinión. Valor es una palabra difícil de definir de todos modos. Pero la clase acreditada, los profesionales, las personas legítimas, han definido la forma legítima de valorar GameStop, o la forma legítima de valorar a Nike. Y vamos a jugar el juego según esas reglas. Y vamos a CNBC, y vamos a Davos, y vamos a conferencias de inversores y vamos a conferencias del FMI para construir esa historia, para construir esa narrativa de valoración.
Y nosotros, los inversores, salimos todos a cenar, y todos llegamos a la conclusión de que así se debe valorar. Y todos saltamos. Es muy parecido a una cosa de Reddit. Todos acordamos hacer esto. Eso es lo que creo que falta en muchas historias. Mucha gente en Wall Street tiene las mismas operaciones. Todos llegan a la misma conclusión. Hay dinero moviéndose mientras la gente pelea por esto y aquello, pero en general, por lo que hice, con el macro comercio, casi todos tienen las mismas posiciones. Entonces, cuando la administración de capital a largo plazo explotó en 1998, todos perdieron porque todos tenían la misma posición. Lo mismo en el 2007 con la crisis financiera. Todo el mundo explotó, porque todos tenían los mismos intercambios; porque todos habían llegado a la misma conclusión; porque básicamente todos habían hecho el equivalente a lo que hicieron los Redditors.
Pero dónde somos diferentes de los Redditors: creemos que realmente hay algo subyacente llamado valor y que podemos saberlo. Una de las cosas asombrosas de este rally de GameStop es que expusieron nuestra noción de valor como un fraude. Así que mucha gente miró a GameStop cuando costaba $ 20 y dijo: “No hay absolutamente ninguna manera de que vaya a $ 40. Pero realmente, realmente no hay manera de que vaya a $ 120. La idea de que esté a 120 dólares es simplemente absurda. Según nuestro modelo de valoración, eso haría que GameStop fuera tan valioso como Ford o GM. No hay forma de que las acciones puedan hacer eso ".
Y los Redditors dijeron: “¿A quién le importa? No me importan tus ecuaciones. No me importan sus modelos de valoración. Voy a hacer que el precio suba porque lo único que tengo para mí es un número en la pantalla ". Así que simplemente quitaron toda la pretensión de Wall Street y lo usaron para exponerlo y arruinarlo. Creo que eso va a tener consecuencias a largo plazo. Cuando todo esto se calme, la gente tendrá que ser mucho más cautelosa acerca de dónde pueden ir las cosas, mucho más cautelosa al decir "Esto no puede ir a X porque eso no se ajusta a mi modelo". Porque una vez que simplemente no te importa el valor, o una vez que dejas de fingir que te preocupas por el valor, una vez que lo ves por el fraude que es, el precio puede ir a donde quiera.
Usted fue comerciante en Wall Street durante 20 años antes de salir de la industria, después de haber estado tan desilusionado con su vocación que ahora se identifica como socialista. ¿Esa desilusión reflejó cambios en la cultura o las prácticas de la industria financiera, o simplemente su propio agotamiento con la forma en que siempre fueron las cosas?
Fue un poco de ambos. Definitivamente hubo cambios en la cultura. Creo que a la gente le cuesta creer que en los años 80, Wall Street realmente tenía un sentido de responsabilidad fiduciaria hacia sus clientes. Pero lo hizo por el localismo. Había más conexión entre las empresas, los productos financieros que ofrecían y la comunidad inmediata a la que servían.
Ahora, hay una seguridad respaldada por activos. Puede negociar un valor respaldado por activos y, literalmente, no saber a quién se otorgaron esos préstamos. No sabes quién es la persona afectada. Hay 30 capas entre tú y el resultado final. Entonces simplemente se convierte en un juego. Realmente es solo este juego. Estás cambiando números en la pantalla.
Creo que eso es lo que me fascina de todo esto. La multitud de Reddit abrazó el cinismo de Wall Street, que trata todo como un juego, y lo tomaron y dijeron: “Está bien, esto es un juego. Y encontré un error en el juego ". Les están diciendo a todos sus amigos que hay un juego con un jefe débil. Y van a atacar a ese jefe. Porque son jugadores. Y los jugadores juegan.

Here are some tips for those who are are working on Huuuge Casino. The tips also apply to Billionaire Casino.
​

1. Make sure to get Free chips (ex. site)
2. Join a club that is atleast level 20 that completes daily events.
   1. You can use the Advanced Search to specify level. I would also recommend increasing the member size too.
   2. Collect Free chips from the Club Wall as they become available
3. While playing slots, send Likes and Connect with others as new players show up.
   1. This will increase how many Daily Chips you get (max 100 likes, max 25 friends)
   2. You can also bulk send Connect requests to all members of your Club once you join one
4. Collect Free chips from the Shop
   1. Lower right corner, on timer
5. Collect Free chips from Betty Bonus
   1. Lower left corner of lobby, on timer
6. Collect and save your lottery tickets until atleast level 100
   1. The lottery prizes increase once you hit level 100. ( u/JefeTomas12 )
   2. You should always see a timer going on the lottery button for earning another lottery ticket. If you don't, enter the lottery area and then exit to get the timer going again.
7. Use Baccarat or Roulette to grind
   1. It is usually recommended to reach level 65 before doing baccarat or roulette because that is when the 10M betting table opened up. Even before 65 I would use the these to get the most out of my 5min x2 XP boosts.
   2. Always start a private room. To do this, go to the menu with the roulette table options. Hold your finger on a table and a pop up will appear with an option of creating a private table. This will significantly speed things up as you wont have to wait for other players to bet!
   3. Baccarat has slightly better odds at keeping your money for longer, however I felt that it was much slower per game even with a private room. It also looks like baccarat gives less XP per 10M bet then Roulette, but I did not verify the exact amount. I estimated almost hafl. I would recommended Roulette during x2 XP if you have the chip cushion at the very least.
      1. Baccarat = (.458 banker win odds * .975) + (.446 player win odds * 1) + (.096 tie odds * 1) = .989 average percentage of bet won
      2. Roulette = (.947 red or black win odds * 1) + (.053 0 or 00 win odds * 00 = .947 average percentage of bet won
   4. For roulette:
      1. Choose your total bet amount and place 1/2 on Red and 1/2 on Black. You will have a high probability of getting your money back with this method to allow for longer grinding. You will only lose if the wheel hits 0 or 00.
   5. For baccarat:
      1. Choose your total bet amount and place 1/2 on Player and 1/2 on Bank. You will have a high probability of getting all your money back with this method to allow for longer grinding. You will only lose a small amount of money in the case of the Bank winning (250,000 on a 10M total bet).
8. ALWAYS utilize x2 XP power ups, even at lower levels
   1. This is the time to add a bit of risk for a higher reward, especially when betting on roulette where the risk is far less. Max out betting on roulette as much as you can, its worth it, especially if it means you level up and get the next level's rewards.
   2. From u/Greenoverzz: If you have x2 XP for 5 minute, click the spin button instead of auto as it tends to be faster
   3. You can get x2 XP for 24 hours from the lottery wheel, which is the best reward by far ( u/JefeTomas12 )
   4. From levels 1-80, you will receive a 5 minute x2 XP boost every 5 levels. Starting at level 81, you will receive a 5 minute x2 XP boost every level. It is good to plan for this. If you have the chips for it, you can use that x2 XP boost plus betting 10M on roulette to shoot you from 81 to approximately 125 without running out of XP boost.

If you're looking at a level 200 offer from Huuuge Casino, it is really difficult even with the above tips to complete in 7 days. It might be possible in a 14+ day window. Obviously you can make it easier by spending a little money, but I don't like making tip guides based on spending money. That's probably just me.
If you do want to spend money, your first purchase is discounted so make it count! u/TheOofsterInTF2 commented that once you reach level 100 or so, you will get a $8.99 800+ million chip pack offer. If you are interested in getting this pack, remember to not make any other purchases before this. They reached level 200 in 6 days (see their post here). They also commented they had to grind 15+ min per level towards the end, which is really mind numbing to me. If you want to spend less, there should be a $1.99 option with a couple million chips and a lot of bronze tickets ( u/JefeTomas12 ). The tickets can help complete the bronze puzzle or score you that x2 24hr XP boost!
Enjoy and Good Luck!

😀ComeOn antaa uusille pelaajilleen 100% bonusta 300 euroon asti tai 400% bonusta 50 euroon asti.
🤑OlyBetin eksklusiivinen bonus! 300€ pelirahaa 100€ talletuksella. Vain rajoitetun ajan. Lunasta etusi tänään!
🌵CasinoJefe antaa välittömästi 11 ilmaiskierrosta Spinata Grande-peliin. Ensimmäinen talletusbonus on 100% aina 100€ asti.
🥳Saat 7 ilmaiskierrosta heti kun avaat ilmainen pelitili LuckyDino-kasinolla.
🤫Avaa pelitili Kalevala kasinolle ja saat heti 20 ilmaiskierrosta. Ensitalletus: 100% 150 euroon asti TAI 30% bonus 45 euroon asti.
🤯 7 bonuksen tervetuliaisbonus! Pelaa ilman tiliä – talleta nyt!
🤪Mobilebet kasinolla saat 50€ pelirahaa kympin talletuksella!
🎰JackpotCity Casino: 1600€ tervetuliaisbonus 1. / 2. / 3. / 4. talletus – 100% bonus €400 asti.Verovapaat voitot!
😁iGame antaa 450 ilmaiskierrosta ilman talletusta kun avaat pelitilin
🧐Talleta 20€ ja saat 100 ilmaiskierrosta peliin Dead or Alive 2 (0.09€ per kierros)

🤫Avaa pelitili Kalevala kasinolle ja saat heti 20 ilmaiskierrosta. Ensitalletus: 100% 150 euroon asti TAI 30% bonus 45 euroon asti. https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/Kalevala
😀ComeOn antaa uusille pelaajilleen 100% bonusta 300 euroon asti tai 400% bonusta 50 euroon asti. https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/comeon
🤑OlyBetin eksklusiivinen bonus! 300€ pelirahaa 100€ talletuksella. Vain rajoitetun ajan. Lunasta etusi tänään! https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/Olybet
🌵CasinoJefellä saat välittömästi 11 ilmaiskierrosta Spinata Grande-peliin. Ensimmäinen talletusbonus on 100% aina 100€ asti. https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/CasinoJEFE
🎰JackpotCity Casino: 1600€ tervetuliaisbonus 1. / 2. / 3. / 4. talletus – 100% bonus €400 asti.Verovapaat voitot! https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/JackpotCity
🤪Mobilebet kasinolla saat 50€ pelirahaa kympin talletuksella! https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/mobilebet
🥳Saat 7 ilmaiskierrosta heti kun avaat ilmainen pelitili LuckyDino-kasinolla. https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/LuckyDino
😁iGame antaa 450 ilmaiskierrosta ilman talletusta kun avaat pelitilin https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/iGame
🧐Talleta 20€ ja saat 100 ilmaiskierrosta peliin Dead or Alive 2 (0.09€ per kierros) https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/Wishmaker
🤯Kirsikka tarjoaa 200 ilmaiskierrosta Book of Deadiin, kun ensitalletus on vähintään 10 euroa. https://parhaatkasinobonukset.info/siirry/kirsikka-kasino

[Begin Part 2 of 4.]
“But here’s the skinny. I’m going back to Houston for a while and do the family thing. I think we’re going to go to Greece and fuck around the islands for a month or two. Go on a cruise, drink and eat too much, be Dad and Husband to my beleaguered family, that sort of shit.”
“And then?”
“Here’s where it gets fun. I’m going to send down my UAZ-2206 4WD van and my IMZ-Ural motorcycle that I’ve had since Russia, but never had the chance to dick around with. You’re going to make them all mechanically good and cosmetically pretty and then we’re going to have some seriously large fun when I get back in-country.”
“No shit. You really have a Uaz?”
“Straight from Ульяновский автомобильный завод (the Ulyanovsk Automobile Plant) on the Volga.”
“What’s your Ural motorcycle; I mean, what model and year?”
“It’s an indeterminate year, but post [Great Patriotic]-war. It’s the M-70 with the newer 1100cc engine.”
“That’s going to be fun to fuck around with. What do you want me to do in your absence?”
“Go nuts. Can’t fuck-up that what’s already fucked. I mean, the bike is still in its factory shipping crate and the Uaz is factory-fresh Mr. Yuck gray-green drab. I’m going to load the bike into the van, and stick them both in a container. Gonna call them “drilling adjuncts” (Hey. They were destined to be field transportation, so I’m not lying…much) and get them hot-shotted down here within 2 weeks. Get creative, let yourself go crazy. Carte blanche time; within reason, of course.”
“Of course…” I haven’t seen a grin like that since my last re-reading of the London Times Illustrated ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’.
So, I bade South America a temporary Adios, traveled back to Houston to a completely delighted family. Since the kids were out of school on break, we did the Mediterranean cruise thing (bloody things have on-board casinos, now I have to go back to work…) and basically went tourist for 5 or so weeks. Returned home, sorted out the kids transport back to their European private schools, and stocked up the freezer with a side of fine Wisconsin corn-fed Black Angus, sweet corn and bratwurst. My prime marital unit had decided to take on the geology teaching job she was offered at one of the local junior colleges so she could break out of her 6-skein a day knitting habit.
I had arranged for the Uaz and Ural to be shipped before we left for Greece’s sunny shores, and had received a cable that Hoder had taken delivery of them a scant 8 days after they left the Port of Houston. I couldn’t wait to see what his fertile, brilliant, and decidedly warped mind had come up with during my absence.
I bade my family goodbye and flew back to that place where I had worked just a scant 8 weeks previous. Hoder met me at the airport in my Uaz.
I was not prepared for this.
The interior had been completely re-upholstered in the finest full grain leather (the type you can sit on during the summer in shorts and not fry your ass off), a hand-carved Raintree wooden dash with all inset gauges, a killer cobbled-together megawatt sound system blaring Mariachi music. It was all surrounded by an exotically polychromatically garishly graphic exterior Pre-Colombian mural which not only wrapped around the vehicle, but told some explicitly gory, period-accurate Aztec historically-accurate saga.
He had bored-out the engine, juiced it up, added nitrous and installed a tap system for refreshment on long journeys (like from work to the hacienda). The van also sported a sink, fridge, table, seating which turned into beds and air conditioning that would remind one of the van’s Uralian heritage.
It was, by any standard, a violent work of art.
“God damn, Hoder. You’ve really outdone yourself. I can scarcely imagine what you did with the Ural.”
“I’m still working on it so you’re going to have to wait a while. I farmed-out most of the van work to some locals I know, but I’m doing the bike mostly on my own. They are very pleased that you have come back so they can be paid…”
“Yeah, sure. What are we talking about here?”
“Don’t worry. It’s less than you expect. These folks wanted the work to show off their talents, earn a little extra scratch, and I purchased or fabricated all the parts needed. I had one cousin do the upholstery, and one thing lead to another, as it does down here. That cousin had a cousin who is a mechanic, another cousin does interiors, one more is a wood carver, and another is a painter. If you believe they truly have all those cousins, it’s really just a family affair.”
“Don’t care, it’s a gem. I’ll feel like a manic extrovert driving the thing around Houston, but at least it has the novelty of being one of a kind. It’s going to be fun at Texas car shows.”
“It’s already been in the local papers. But, then again, just about anything out of the ordinary makes the news here. Last week, there was front-page coverage of a thunderstorm.”
Hoder banned me from his workshop until he finished my bike (“With a sidecar‽” he exclaimed). He had subcontracted out some of the work, and I had to make scarce whenever one of the local cousins came by to drop of this or that part. In the meantime, I had to spend more time out on the rigs making certain any new crew were fully indoctrinated, received their PPEs and knew my rig version of the “Score”.
I also now had my own office in the National Oil Company’s building, so I could hold court for various meetings out of the earshot of the droning diesels. I also had more administrative tasks to handle, as I now had to deal with everything from surface location preparation clear through to TD and hook-up. That meant much more time on the phone trying to source rigs, rig hands, bits, mud, chemicals, pipe, and myriad other machinations needed to drill some deep exploration wells. I also had to tend to tendering and be the contact for contracts on operations, a job I truly loathe and despise. However, with my particular rank at this point, I could hire on the hands needed for various unpleasant jobs I wished to farm out.
So, the notice went out for several diverse positions. I needed, apart from Sr. Friday, another Personal Assistant to handle the daily grind of meetings, calls and appointments. I needed people for this, folks for that, and still more able bodies for some other things.
Unemployment was rife in the country, so there was serious competition for any and all jobs that popped up. I wasn’t hiring any Senior Professionals here, but needed a boatload of literate, semi-skilled people who weren’t afraid to do some serious work and possibly get their hands dirty. That meant tiring interviews and even more tiring evaluations and exhausting choices.
I dragged back to the hacienda one sultry Thursday, plopped down my wellsite case (a large carpet-salesman’s sample-size case that I kept everything necessary for immediate trips rig-side…y’know: calculators, hydraulic slide rules, graph paper, well files, Leroy pens, cigars, my trio of traveling liquor flasks; just the absolute bare minimum), hit the comfy chair with a thud and pleaded for immediate rehydration.
Carlos, a crazy local kid who had been hanging around so much, I thought he actually came with the house; scampered to the well-appointed kitchen and expertly poured me my usual Dr. Texas Oilman’s Long-Hard-Day-At-The-Office-Drink: a frosty tall cold corn beer laced with just the right amount of vodka cum rocket fuel.
“Here you are Sr. Rock. Would you like a cigar?”
“Carlos, nothing more would please this tired old fart than one of my cigars. Please, if you would be so kind.”
Carlos runs to my room, fetches said cigar, clips it and hastens back with the stogie and a new lighter.
“Where the hell did this monstrosity come from? It looks like a pregnant tire pump.”
“Oh, my cousin make things like that. I thought you would like it…”
“Carlos, it’s just the tits. I didn’t see it in the light. That is so cool, it’s going on my desk back in Houston”, as I hand him 150K Bolivars, “Here, have your cousin gin up another couple of lighters for me. I need some presents for folks back home. If there’s any leftover (which I knew there would be), that’s for you.”
“Si, muchos gracias, Jefe.”
“You let me know if it’s going to be more expensive, now. You hear?”
“Si, si. Need another cerveza, Senor?”
“Carlos. Since you’ve known me, have I ever said ‘no’ to that question?”
Carlos grins manically and runs off to the kitchen.
Hoder is snickering, “Jesus, Rock. You look like I feel. What’s the malfunction?”
“Awww, fuckbuckets, Hoder. I’m interviewing probably every local in a 1000 kilometer radius for these scut jobs (meant most deferentially) I need done. I’ve had everything from fishermen to charwomen to God-knows-what apply. I’d really like to hire more of them on, but there’s just finite resources…”
“God damn, you’re talking like a fucking administrator. CARLOS! Hurry with that beer.”
“Yeah, I know and I hate this part of the job. It’s a necessary evil and I hate to turn down anyone, they all come with such heart-wrenching personal stories. I wish I could hire more, but for the most part, they’re pretty understanding when I have to reject them.”
Pause for the pause that refreshes. Lip smackin’ fuckin’-A, buckwheat…
“However, there was this one goombah. Some fuckin’ skinny-ass shithook, early 20’s, real attitude. Just exuded a real strong negative vibe. Acted like he was the smoothest thing since lithiated axle grease. Didn’t score too well on any of the aptitude tests and was only interested in the money. Real off-putting, in a greaser (meant literally, not pejoratively) sort of way. He got real nasty and rowdy when I told him to fuck off. Had to have security bounce his ass out the door and off location.”
Hoder sits up, and with furrowed brow asks “Was this kid sort of leathery; I mean leather vest and the like?”
Pausing to reflect, “Yeah, now that you mention it. Slicker than a Go-Devil, dressed all in black with a leather vest and pointy leather kill-a-cockroach-in-the-corner shoes. Thought it sort of odd here in the tropics, but hell, I hire on brains and attitude, not beauty or fashion sense.”
“Oh, fuck. I hoped this wasn’t going to happen.”
“Shit. Now what?”
“That, my friend, was a member of the ‘Choads’; a local street gang of wanna-be gangsters, look-at-me-and-tremble semi-toughs and generally unpleasant little shit-stains. Sometime back, they would show up here and try to strong-arm their way into some free booze or guns. I had to beat the living ever-lovin’ dogshit out of a couple of them and basically threaten them with extinction if they ever showed up again. We’ve had a basic truce for years. I am not pleased at this turn of events.”
“Continue. I don’t think I have the full picture here.” Now giving Hoder my undivided attention.
“These little bugfuckers are trying to intimidate you into giving them jobs. They can’t and won’t do shit but steal everything that’s not nailed down. Then they’ll try to run some sort of stupid money-extraction protection racket on the locals working for the company.”
“Great, now you tell me. Don’t you think that was some mission-critical Intel you neglected to inform me of…?”
“I had hoped they just disappeared, but evidently not. Tread lightly with these ass wipes.”
“I don’t intend to tread on anyone. Unless they get in my way or between me and the brewery.”
“Sage words, El Rock. Sage words.”
Back at work, contrary to my usual preferences, I gave notice that every resume, CV or application must carry with it a recent passport-sized picture. I also had a one-way window installed in my office overlooking my office’s anteroom. I wanted to get a good look at the general population I was going to interview before they ever set foot in my working space.
This worked well enough, as I only had to buzz my PA and say “Tell Goofball #2 that the position’s been filled. Sorry.” This kept the influx of thugs at a minimum. Unfortunately, word got out that I was “profiling”, and this years before it became TSA fashionable. There was the usual grumblings and grousing, but most all rejects took it well enough, bitched a while and took their leave.
Until one fine Friday afternoon.
I had finished a grueling day of this-ing and that-ing, keeping the rig turning to the right, calling vendors, hollering for coffee and looking over the last few positions to fill when I was driving out of the gate to head to the hacienda for a long-awaited bout of debauchery. I hadn’t gone 1000 meters, when some dark-clothed, but not leathered, character standing next to a dilapidated Toyota Sunny flagged me to a stop.
I parked in front of the character, and sauntered over to see what the commotion was.
“Buenos tardes. Need some help? What’s up?”
“You are Dr. Rocknocker of the (National Oil Company)?”
“Yeah. And?”
“Well, I wanted a job on the rigs there and I was told no.”
“That happens. Sorry, we have a limited number of jobs available and we need to take only the most qualified…”
“I’m qualified, motherfucker.” He whips out one of those ridiculous butterfly knives and inexpertly goes through a short St. Vitus Sabre Dance to show me just how much business he means.
“What?” I chuckle, “Is that supposed to intimidate me?”
“I’ll cut you, motherfucker.”
I rip off my left glove and thrust my stumpy and keloidal thumb and pinky at him in a most threatening Shaka maneuver. “And I’ll club you to death with this, you greasy little scumbag. Go on, go home before I lose my coolness and decide to decorate my walls with your skinny spotty hide.”
He gulped a bit and actually thought better than to get any more uppity with a large, loud and malformed Gringo.
“Take a hike, you little fuckstain. You come around me or my company again, and I’ll have security feed you whole to the dogs.”
Wobbling back to his vehicle, I see there’s a couple more of his ilk in the backseat. They’re going on in machine-gun Spanglish, pointing at me, where I hear the refrains of ‘puto’, ‘Chinge tu madre’ and ‘pendejo’ drifting my direction.
I go to my Uaz and pull out a ¾-meter length of very stiff 440 VDC cable I had left over from the water well escapade and asked if anyone wanted a nice collection of bruises and contusions. Just hike your ass over here and I’ll fill your order, pronto-like.
In a flurry of rust and blue-exhaust, they try (and fail miserably) to peel out, shouting dark threats and epitaphs in my direction.
“Piss off, hairdressers.” I grumble to myself, as I return to my steed, toss in the cable and head hacienda-ward.
“Fuckin’ asswipes.”
I arrive at La Hacienda de Hoder in a most foul humor. Carlos must be clairvoyant, or just knows me too well, and has a clipped cigar and frosty tall cold Yorshch waiting on the table next to my comfy chair.
Hoder was nowhere to be found, so I ask Carlos “Where’s the Boss Fella?”
“Sr. Rock, Sr. Hoder is in his workshop. You want I should go get him?”
“Nahh, Carlos. Thanks anyways. Can you get me another beer? It’s been a fucker of a day.”
“No shit, Sr. Rock? I’ll get that fucking cerveza mas rapido for you…”
We have got to start watching our language around the kids, I see.
Carlos, true to his word, brings me back a tall cold new frosty. Then he tells me some really gut-wrenchingly disturbing news…
“Sr. Jefe. I have to tell you, that cigar was the last one in you humor-door box.”
“Humidor, Carlos, humidor. Aww, shit… [oops], I mean, um, ‘darn’. And the weekend’s coming up. The Tabacalera is already closed…”
“Sr. Rock. My cousin is world’s greatest cigar maker. I can get you some if you want.”
“Carlos, you’re a lifesaver. You know what I like.” I hand him far too many Bolivars for the task, and tell him “Race like the wind. Grab one of the bicycles and go on your mercy mission.”
“Si, si, jefe!” and with that, he’s gone with the Schwinn.
A short while later, Hoder comes back and yells for Carlos.
“Ah, he’s gone to get me some cigars…”
“From his cousin, the world’s best cigar maker? “
“Yep. You know him? “
Shaking his head, “I know all of them…”
Tito was another of the herd of kids we had hanging around the house so he was volunteered to get Sr. Hoder his long-hard-day-at-the-office drink.
I asked Tito if he knew what Yorshch was, he replied in the affirmative, and I had him hie off to the kitchen swiftly for a refill.
“The fuck, Rock? Triples? Bad day at the salt mines?”
I relate some of the day’s folderol, and re-count my little run-in with the Choads.
“I told you to avoid these asswipes.”
“How the fuck was I to know? I thought he might need a ride or something. I was just playing Ugly American Good Samaritan when he pulls this stupid little trick knife thing on me.”
“How’d it end?”
“Thanks, Tito”, I take a long pull on number three, and reply “I ran their asses off. One look at this (raise hand) and they kind of lost their appetite for confrontation.”
“Damn, that’s not good. We’re going to have to double down on security. Want a sidearm? “
“That bad?”
“Could be…”
“Nahhh, I haven’t had to kill anyone for years . Not about to start again now.”
“Your call, but if you change your mind…”
Just then, Carlos straggles in, bloodied and beaten-up.
“The fuck! Carlos! Are you OK, little buddy? Fall off the bike? Hit by a car?”
“No, senor. I got your cigars and some Choads saw me and took my bicycle. They asked all sorts of questions, hit me and pushed me around. But I kicked them real hard in the cojones like Sr. Hoder taught us and ran all the way here.”
“What sort of questions?”
“Why Sr. Rock no give them jobs and…”
I growl, “OK, now I’m really angry.”
Carlos continues, “They also say they are going to make you pay if you don’t give them jobs. I’m scared.”
Hoder, unknown to me, slipped out and returned with a first-aid kit. He got Mamasita, another house fixture, to tend to Carlos’ wounds and handed me a smallish aluminum case.
“Now you want this? “
Inside was a gleaming Colt 1911 .45 caliber nickel-plated pistol.
“Yeah, just for a little while., though. I’ve got to call my wife and have her send a few items from home in the Diplomatic Bag…”
Over the weekend, things remained quiet. I held a little barbeque fiesta for Carlos and his family. I wanted them to know we’re on top of the situation and we’re going to take measures to make certain things are copacetic. I spoke with the local Policia, and even the Federales, and filled them in on the recent goings-on. I also invited them over to Hoder’s for some barbeque and beer. Best to keep your friends close…
…and your enemies even closer.
The upshot was, that even with my generous contributions to the local Policeman’s Ball and Federal Security Services, they couldn’t guarantee protection and advised me that if I was that concerned, I should return from whence I came.
Well, so much for diplomacy.
The ball was firmly in our court.
And I was getting more and more pissed every passing day.
I applied for, and was granted, a special concealed carry permit (due to the outback conditions of the wells I was drilling). Even though they couldn’t acknowledge our little fracas with the local gang, they fully understood that I wanted a smidgen of personal protection.
That smidgen arrived the in the next Diplomatic Pouch. My wife broke my personal arsenal out of mothballs. She had sent me my Sig Sauer .380 back-up pistol ankle gun, and my main defense weapon, a Glock 10mm, along with a few other incidentals. She also thoughtfully included a couple boxes of Dragon’s Teeth hollow-point rounds in the appropriate calibers and a personal note to ‘be careful, roll left, and to remember to aim for center mass’.
I do love her so much.
“OK, Hoder. I’m all set. Let’s go hunting…”
“Steady on, boy. Patience. Let the little fuckholes tip their hands and come to us. Let us retain the home court advantage.”
“I guess you’re right. Carlos back?”
“Yeah, he’s around here somewhere.”
“CARLOS!”
He pops up from behind a chair and asks what I want.
“If you ever see any more one of those Choads, run back here and tell me or Hoder. Never get close to them and avoid them as much as possible. And while you’re at it, get me a Yorshch and Hoder whatever he wants, please. Have anything in the fridge for yourself if you want.”
Hoder muses, “Well, that’s good thinking. We play the waiting game. Keep to our schedules, and at least one of us should be around the place whenever and if ever we’re needed.”
I add, “Yeah. Maybe. Can I go out and kill them just a little, please?” I was still volcanically pissed at them for roughing up Carlos.
“Not yet. Patience. Patience.”
“OK, OK. Your turf, here you’re the hookin’ bull.”
“That’s right. Let them come to us on our home turf.”
I wasn’t going to argue, but thought a little display of firepower might be in order for anyone lurking around taking notes.
We set up a target range just to the back of the hacienda and spent a fair amount of time destroying bottles, cans and caricatures of greasy semi-tough bad guys.
I persuade Hoder to open up his weapons locker and we could have a little fun with some of his more esoteric toys.
The 40mm grenade launcher was great fun, but made a serious mess. Took us over an hour to shovel the backstop back in place.
The South African gauge-of-12 Street Sweeper shotgun was a nosily efficient way to dispose of many, many boxes of 3” Magnum turkey loads.
He had some make or another of .338 Lapua-chambered Squad Automatic Weapon (SAW). Kicked like a country mule, but put one hell of a lot of high-speed heavy lead downrange and took meat at both ends.
It sounded like World War V for a couple of hours, and anyone within 10 kilometers distance knew that this was one place with which you didn’t want to fuck.
Or so we thought.
Little annoyances started to build up. First, it was some of Hoder’s chickens that went missing. Every once in a while, a fox or feral dog got in and made off with a chicken, but that was nature for you. But lately, more and more seemed to just evaporate.
Then, one morning, we found a gutted capybara out by the brewery shed.
Someone was trying to send us a message it seemed.
Then, one weekend, the water gave out. I took a ration of shit from Hoder about my well drilling abilities, so we sauntered out to the well to see the electrical box had been vandalized and someone had tried, but failed, to pry open the well.
“OK, Sr. Hoder. Fuck patience, I’m going to go out and shoot me some of these bastards.”
“Now, now. Just cool out. We can fix this and still not blow our cover. These are just middling pranks, nothing to get all frothy about. We still have the home court advantage, and we’ll just wait them out. Then we’ll have the upper hand.”
“Ok, against my better judgement, I’ll refrain from any military response. You’re still the jefe on these matters.”
Everything calmed down for a week or two, and there was no more attacks or animal injustices.
That weekend, I had decided to go out to the rig early for one of my much beloved by the crew surprise inspections. I decided to just park my gaudy Uaz outside instead of the garage. I locked it up tight, ambled in for a nightcap and preparation for tomorrow’s journey.
It was all quiet on the western front until about 0300. FAGROON! There was this massively monstrous window-rattling explosion. I had no idea what was going on, so I pulled on my waiting coveralls and boots (old rig traditions die hard) grabbed my Glock and ran to the front room. Most everyone in the house were awakened by the blast and ran to see what was happening as well.
“Holy fuck, Hoder. What the fuck…?”
Hoder motions over to the curtained window. Then I saw the flames.
Against what should have been my better judgement, I threw open the front door to see my brilliant Uaz van, the one that Hoder and company had so meticulously transformed, burning merrily along, being fully consumed by intense crimson and orange flames; black smoke billowing.
I turn slowly to face my friend and in a low steady voice and glacial tone:
“Hoder. Fuck patience. This. Means. War. It’s payback time.”
“Doc, you’re right. The time for inaction has passed…”
Hoder broke out all his military training, especially that of covert intelligence and psychological operations. La Hacienda de Hoder was gearing up for combat.
“…But not right now.” Hoder continues.
[End Part 2 of 4.]